a lesson to be learned

I need to learn to let things go.

I tend to hold onto things from the past, things that I cannot control. I know that there are actually a lot of people who struggle with letting things go, but I think that my life would be much better if I learned to just "get over it". There are things that happened several years ago that I am still holding onto the resentment from the situation. This has been something that I find myself constantly struggling with. The thing is, I realize that I am in a far better place in my life now than what I would be had that situation not happened. I am exactly where I need to be right now and yet I cannot let go of the anger that I still hold from the events that happened. While there is one situation in particular that I am thinking about, I can see the same theme recurring in various situations. So with all of this in mind, I am working towards a new mindset of "Let it go."

More updates

So I have been a little MIA this week because there has been so much going on. First and foremost, I am sick. I hate being sick. My nose is stuffy, my ear is clogged and more than likely infected, and that is never fun. I have also been frantically getting paperwork ready and together for ECU (financial aid and the like).

On top of all of THAT, I have been trying to tackle some major life decisions about moving versus commuting to ECU, if I do move what is the best option for me, and trying to be very adult about the entire thing. This decision can't just be about what I want to do, but what is the best option all around (in the way of cost, energy consumption, feasibility, and the like). It would of course, be more cost effective to live at my Grandparent's house and commute. Yes, it would add an astronomical amount of miles on to my car, but my car is old, so does that really matter? No, I wouldn't be able to have a job that is really worth mentioning because I would be spending so much time commuting, but if I am not spending so much to live, is that really an issue? Plus, I have absolutely no idea in what county my internship will actually be in and would hate to sign a lease in Pitt county and then end up doing an internship at Carteret County and be faced with a huge commute anyway. Oh the joys of being an adult.

Lastly, my baby sister graduated from high school tonight. Boy do I feel old! Being back in my old high school and realizing that neither the bathrooms nor the smell of that place had changed brought back all sorts of memories, yet all of that feels like a lifetime ago. I didnt cry at my own high school graduation and when my baby sister walked in to her ceremony, I cried like a little baby. I am getting soft in my old age!

Overall, that has been what is going on. More to come later!

It's all over now...

So that is it.... it is done and over.

My life as a Meredith College student is over and I am struck with this overwhelming sense of fear and discomfort. When I drove home from Raleigh on Wednesday night, it hit me right around Goldsboro that I wouldn't be making the return trip to in a few days. I have moved home for now and I love the prospect of being close to family again, but I am not loving the prospect of being this area for an undetermined amount of time. Last night I went out for awhile and saw some people that I went to high school with and on my way into Beaufort, I again was hit with an overwhelming feeling of "I can't do this." I think I would have an easier time dealing with all of this if I had a definite plan of action, but I don't as of right now. There are so many things left up in the air and hanging out there that it makes me very uneasy because I am very much a planner, I like to know what is next and right now, I have no idea.

But on the bright side, here are some sweet pictures of commencement :)

(Even though I uploaded the pictures in the right order, blogger uploader totally messed them up.... c'est la vie~)

How did I get here?

Recently I have found myself in that stage of life where you look around and realize that all of your friends are engaged, married, are having kids, or already have kids. I look at my life and think "seriously? At my age? I am soooo not ready for this!" My best friend growing up got married about a year ago and is now expecting her first little one. My roommate and best friend is engaged and is getting married in June. Basically every girl that I graduated high school with is married and/or has kids.

I am quite content with my dog Meredith, whom I treat like my baby. Before having this dog, I never realized how distinct an animal's personality can be. Meredith is quite the entertainer. A few nights ago, she was literally doing tumbles in my living room. Seriously? What dog does that? She likes to take her toys out of her crate in the same general order and place them around the living room in the same general areas (yes, my dog has OCD). She won't drink out of her water bowl if it is less than 1/3 full. She makes some awfully strange noises. I have had her for a little over a month and I can't imagine my life without her at this point. My whole life has changed to center around her and her needs. I am very proud of my little girl who has recently learned to use a bell to tell me when she really needs to go outside. She did it both last night and today! I am quite the proud Mommy. However, like most Mommys, I have had to learn to let go a little. Today, I took Meredith for her first day at doggy day care. I worked this morning at job #1 and I am actually currently at job #2(out of the four that I have) and I just didn't have the heart to leave her in her crate for such a long day. Thankfully my vet offers a doggy day care for a really good deal and I don't think that I will need to use it very often, but I think today was good for her. It was weird going back to the apartment and getting ready without her stretched out at my bathroom doorway or underfoot when I tried to figure out what to bring for lunch. It was weird going home this afternoon between the two jobs and not seeing her cute little face.

For now, I think I am content with my dog and the rest can wait awhile :)