Compliments

Today I truly discovered the power of a compliment (or several). This morning as I was walking to my classroom, I had a teacher compliment my outfit and tell me that I looked "super cute" today. Now I didn't think that I looked particularly well put together today, but I think the fact that this teacher took the time out of her day to compliment my outfit added a bit of pep to my step today.
Then, this afternoon I attended an English Department meeting in which several teachers complimented my performance in my internship. Again, I want to say that I am by no means tooting my own horn or thinking that I am some sort of fabulous teacher-intern extrodinaire, but I can say what a difference these compliments and kind words can make. I feel good about myself, about my work, and about my impact here at NBH. I dont feel like some outsider coming in for a short while to complete a requirement for school and then high-tail it out of there, I feel like a part of the team. I have gotten some amazing ideas from the people that I work with and have shared some ideas. My input, my resources, and my abilities are appreciated and there is something to be said for feeling valued. It's nice to know that my clinical teacher is talking about me (and in a good way!), its nice to know that someone thinks that what I am doing is really neat, and it's nice to know that I have a network of support for those days that I am not quite feeling it.
So take an effort to compliment someone tomorrow. Take the chance to make someone else's day the way that these individuals have made mine today. You never know how great of an effect a kind word can have on someone.

Lockdown!

Today at my internship we had a lockdown... for 2.5 hours. When it started, we all thought it was a drill; when the lockdown lasted... and lasted... and lasted, we knew that it was in fact NOT a drill. No, there wasnt a crazy inside the school that I was in but there was a prank caller to the school and they took it very seriously. I am glad that the situation wasn't serious in the sense that there was real, bonafide danger, but I am very annoyed at the fact that I had to sit in the floor, miss my planning period, and deal with students who weren't taking the lockdown seriously. Even after it was announced that this was a real situation, the students didnt seem to think it was a big deal. I am, however, very grateful that everything turned out OK and that no one was hurt.

Just a few things....

~I need a blog overhaul. I will be working on this soon, and it may take me awhile but I want to make my blog more ME. So I do apologize if my blog looks like a mess for awhile!

~I realized today that I need to spend less time on facebook and more time in the "real world." I think I would be happier if I spent less time on facebook and watching tv, things that are meaningless in the long run, if I spent more time pursuing my interests and with real, live interactions. Facebook is good for some things, like keeping up with friends who live far away, but its sad when it gets to the point that this is the first thing you click on when you stgart up your computer and you are constantly going back to it. Similarly, TV is great for relaxing, but I find myself coming home, turning it on, and leaving it on until I go to bed. Imagine if I spent that time playing with Meredith, reading a good book, or taking pictures?

~My internship is going REALLY well so far and I am LOVING going to NBH every day instead of worrying about college classes. The faculty is really great and have done an excellent job of making me feel welcome and a part of the team. Students come tomorrow!

~Something that I am a little concerned about is this new portfolio that I have to do this semester. I missed the meeting that explained how this new portfolio worked due to snow, so I feel completely lost on it. I am supposed to get caught up on everything tomorrow, but even people that were able to go to the initial meeting are lost, so I dont feel so good about that.

~I never thought that I would say this, but I am SOOO tired of snow! Normally snow is something that we here in Eastern NC get once in a blue moon and it is such a treat when we do, this year we have had snow three times so far and we haven't even hit the time of winter that we normally get snow.

It's all over now...

So that is it.... it is done and over.

My life as a Meredith College student is over and I am struck with this overwhelming sense of fear and discomfort. When I drove home from Raleigh on Wednesday night, it hit me right around Goldsboro that I wouldn't be making the return trip to in a few days. I have moved home for now and I love the prospect of being close to family again, but I am not loving the prospect of being this area for an undetermined amount of time. Last night I went out for awhile and saw some people that I went to high school with and on my way into Beaufort, I again was hit with an overwhelming feeling of "I can't do this." I think I would have an easier time dealing with all of this if I had a definite plan of action, but I don't as of right now. There are so many things left up in the air and hanging out there that it makes me very uneasy because I am very much a planner, I like to know what is next and right now, I have no idea.

But on the bright side, here are some sweet pictures of commencement :)

(Even though I uploaded the pictures in the right order, blogger uploader totally messed them up.... c'est la vie~)

It's getting a little too real

In approximately 39 hours, I will be a college graduate. I cannot believe how fast four years have flown by. I dont think I have really had the moment when I realize that it is all ending. Up until Tuesday at 12:00, I was holding my breath to make sure that all grades were in fact in (and passing) and that I was in fact eligible for graduation. These past couple of days I have been taking it EXTREMELY easy and just relaxing by the pool, but mostly spending time in my bed because I have been severely sleep deprived.

Today I spent a few minutes with Mrs. Sharon, my scholarship donor. This woman is so incredibly supportive and completely generous. She overwhelms me sometimes with her kindness and heart. Without her, I wouldnt have been able to have my Meredith education and I owe this all to her. I just hope that one day I can do something with my life and make her proud of giving me the opportunity to go to Meredith. She has truly been a blessing.

This afternoon we had our graduation practice. It was hot and miserable and I couldnt believe how many people are actually graduating in my class. I always have thought of Meredith as a small school, and compared to most "regular" schools, it is. We have about 460 people graduating with my class on Sunday morning.

My apartment is mostly packed up and most of my stuff will be shipped out with my family after the ceremony on Sunday morning. Meredith is going to go ahead and go home with my grandparents so that I can have the chance to really clean up the apartment before our subleasers move in. It doesnt feel like I will be all moved out and at home in about five days. This is all too real.

I still havent heard from ECU's graduate school yet, but I feel fairly confident that I will in fact get in, at least I hope I do. Well, I suppose I should pack some more of my stuff! I'll be back after my ring is turned. (A Meredith tradition that you turn your class ring so the seal faces out when you become an alumnae.)

The Battle of the Thesis

So over the past week, I have been severely battling my thesis. I was struggling to get my full draft written (it had to be 25 pages) and I had set a deadline of Friday at 11:00 I wanted to turn it in. I ended up having my full draft done a day early and turned it in on Thursday. Score: Hilary-1, Thesis-0. Later that day, I was smugly re-reading my thesis and thinking about how awesome it was, much to my horror I realized that one of my sections had been inadvertently left incomplete! Score: Hilary-1, Thesis-1. I was still able to get that section written and turned in by the original deadline, which was good. After turning in the full thesis, I get a not-so-pleasant email from my thesis advisor basically telling me my thesis was a piece of crap, had no original thought in it, and the like. Score: Hilary-1, Thesis-2. I cleared my schedule for the weekend and set out to re-write it. I managed to hit all of my thesis advisor's points and give her 14 re-written pages on Saturday. I hadn't received notes on about 10 pages of it, so I didn't want to touch those and felt pretty good about myself. Score: Hilary-2, Thesis-2. I got an email back from my thesis advisor today and her comments were more manageable and less "your paper sucks" and I think I may be able to actually finish this thing and come out in the end with a pretty huge accomplishment under my belt. Score: Hilary-3, Thesis-2. Hopefully things wont take a turn for the worse, because I am liking being in the lead right now!

A pared down list....

So this weekend has been quite productive weekend. I worked on Friday night, afternoon, and Sunday morning. I did homework on Friday afternoon and night, Saturday morning and nights, and Sunday afternoon and night. My list has gone from a huge, daunting, nebulous thing to:

* a 5-7 page myth paper on Pandora

* a 5-7 page paper on population (in conjunction with another girl)

* a 5-7 page paper for Modern Drama (I'm thinking on How I Learned to Drive and maybe one other?)

* a 5-7 page paper for Core (group has already done the research, I just have to finish it

* Reading The House of the Spirits (I am about 1/4 of the way through)

* The rest of my thesis (I have about 20 pages/25)

* 2 finals (bio 105 and bio 205).

That is all that is left of my undergrad career! While all of those 5-7 page papers look daunting, never fear because I am an English major and writing papers is my specialty! I have two weeks to produce 25 pages, on 5 different categories... I CAN DO IT! I think I will actually enjoy writing the modern drama one, and maybe even the Pandora one if I can ever get into it. I am just having a hard time actually getting into it because it is very overwhelming at the moment. I will not enjoy completing my thesis. If I were in a comic right now, it would be my arch enemy.

Well, off to knock some of that Pandora paper out!

Stuff Checked off, Stuff still to do

MAT test- check

Grad School App- check

Out of Africa Presentation- check

Thesis Draft- check

Even with some of this stuff checked off my list, it seems that my list keeps on growing! There is still so much to do and so little time to finish it all before graduation. It is my goal this weekend to try to get basically ALL of my work for the REST of the semester done (minus my thesis) so I have the next two weeks to focus on my thesis. I want to be ready to fully graduate AS a TEACHING FELLOW and on to bigger and better things. Namely, I want to move onto grad school. While no, I am not looking forward to still MORE school, I am excited for the opportunity that this additional schooling will provide me. I am very excited about the prospect of having a different schooling experience. I am very excited about working with students again. I am very excited about doing something for me and making my first, real BIG GIRL decision all on my own.

I am NOT excited about leaving Meredith. It has become my home and I have started to really realize how much I will sincerely miss this place come May 9th, 2010. These next two weeks will surely go by faster than I can possibly imagine because there is so much stuff still to do! Not even in just the homework aspect, but more in all of the different events that are still yet to come.

I think Katy and I finally got our apartment subleased for the summer so that is such a blessing and yet another thing that I can put a big old CHECK beside.

I should go and continue to work on this mountain of homework before it overtakes me!

One Month!

It is hard to believe that in literally in one month I will be graduating from college. Scary to think of the prospect! Here is a glimpse of what is going on in the next month:

Due before graduation:

* Out of Africa presentation

* Myth paper (larger)

* Read 3 more plays and 2 more books

* Write 2 reflections

* 1 overdue paper

* Reproductive health paper/presentation/project

* 1 mini bio presentation

* 1 large bio presentation and paper

* 1 larger drama play

* finish thesis/revise thesis/present thesis

* 2 finals

* plus other daily things that pop up!

Events before graduation:

* spring formal (tonight)

* Katy's bridal shower (tomorrow)

* Meredith's spaying (tomorrow)

* picture session (sunday)

* take MAT for my MAT program (tuesday)

* finish applying for grad school (by thursday)

* Class meeting

* STUNT (15th)

* Celebrating Student Achievemnt Day (22nd)

* Grandparent's Luncheon (23rd)

* Scholarship Dinner (23rd)

* English Majors' Brunch (29th)

* 10th Night (29th)

* Wicked (May 2nd)

* TF senior dinner (6th)

* Class Day (8th)

* Baccalaureate (8th)

* Graduation (9th)

Fun huh?

It has been awhile...

So I know that it has been awhile since I have posted. There has been a LOT going on and I have had no time! Last weekend all that work was scraped because I found out at the last minute that I had to apply to a program that I didn't even want to attend in order to keep my Teaching Fellows. Whether or not I get in doesn't even matter, its the fact that I applied. Long story.

This week I have had so much homework to do and things to get done before Easter. This week was like what the week before Spring Break usually is, and wasn't, this year. I thought I was getting off easy when I had no midterms or major things due around that time, little did I know that I was going to get kicked in the butt come the week before Easter. Just to give you a little glimpse, for Monday I had to read about a third of the Divine Comedy, not an easy task. I mean, have you SEEN the Divine Comedy? It's no short book by any means and I was reading the hardest part! I also had a bio presentation to do as well as a play to read and a reflection to write. For Wednesday I had a paper to do and two tests to study for. I worked literally all weekend and had no time to just sit and do homework so I was really scrambling on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday nights.

This weekend will be full of lots of fun things... not. I have a full draft of my thesis (which has to be at a minimum 25 pages, but more like 40 seeing as I have to have 40 cited sources... come on!) and I currently have a very crappy 6 page draft that is hardly worth the paper to print it on. So that will be my fun filled weekend.

Seeing as I have become very sleep deprived over the last few days, I have now started to drink coffee, and lots of it. I used to NEVER drink coffee and I feel like I need an IV hooked up to me now... yay for becoming just one step closer to becoming an adult.

Let's see... what else? OH! A recent wrench has been put in my working for the summer plan, but we wont go into details about that. So now there is yet another thing for me to have to figure out. Sweet. My recent debate with myself is whether or not I should go to grad school at UNCW or ECU for my MAT (Masters in the Art of Teaching) degree. I like UNCW's program and the idea of living in Wilmington is VERY appealing, but I dont know all that many people there. Also, if I went to UNCW, I would have to wait till Spring 2011 to start classes. I dont really want to wait. ECU on the other hand has a very competitive program from the looks of it, I know more people in the area, and I can start in the fall. Decisions, Decisions...

From here to Sunday....

Wednesday

8-9 Cantos 11-15

9-10 Bio Worksheet

10-11 Bio webquest

11-12 Mod Drama play

Thursday

8-9 Thesis

9-10 Cantos 16-20

10-11 Pandora Research

11-12 Dog Park

12-1 Lunch/Shower/etc

1-2 Thesis

2-3 Bio Reading

3-3:30- Pack dinner/gather hw

3:30-7:30 work

7:30- ? Corn Reunion

Friday

10-11 am

2-3 Dog park

3-4 prepare for work?

4-8:30 Work?

9-10 Thesis

10-11 Presentation Researh

11-12 Cantos 21-25

Saturday

9-10 Thesis

10-11 Dog Park

11-12 Shower/Prepare for work

12-4:30/6:30 Work

6:30-8:00 dinner/break

8-9:30- Cantos 26-34

10-11 Bio Reading

11-12 Paper 3 work

Sunday

9-12 ESUMC

12-2 lunch/ dog park

2-4 library research (Pandora/thesis)

4-5 Dante Work

5-6 Dinner/break

6-7 meeting for bio presentation

7-8 Paper 3 work (Mod Drama)

8-9 Bio Reading

9-11 Study Dante

Wednesdays and life decisions

,Wednesdays are usually horrible days for me. I have class from 9 in the morning till 8 at night, with only two one-hour breaks (which aren't really worth ANYTHING!). Usually during the 10 o'clock hour I sit in the science and math building and do homework that I have procrastinated on doing. Recently during my 2 o'clock hour break, I have been going home to let my sweet dog out and give her a break from her kennel. Luckily my roommate has more time available on Wednesdays than I do and is very nice in that she lets Meredith out to play while she is home so Meredith isn't in her kennel the whole time I am not there. Basically, my brain is going on auto-pilot for 11 hours straight, which can be very exhausting.

I find myself procrastinating a lot lately, and I haven't been able to pin down WHY I am such a horrible procrastinator until this morning. I think that I have been putting things off (more so than usual) lately because I am in the mentality that if I push it off, things wont happen. Now I know that this sounds like a "Duh Hilary, if you don't do something, of course it wont happen!" but I mean in the sense that if I put off figuring my life out, then maybe I will have time to be a kid for just a little bit longer. Growing up is a scary thing to do. I cant believe that in less than 2 months, I will no longer have school to fall back on. Every spring in my life until now, I have always known that after summer is over, it is back to the land of school. My life has been planned and relatively predictable. My life is wide open now. I am supposed to be looking for a job, but the whole job search thing is NOT easy. Let's begin with the current economic state of our country (strike one): EVERYONE is looking for a job. The economy sucks and because the economy sucks, I am going to suffer. Strike two: I have no idea what kind of job I want! Its hard to search for a job if you don't even know the KIND of job that you want! Strike three: location, location, location. I have no idea where I should be looking (coupled with the idea that I don't know what I am looking for, come on! Is this some sort of cruel cosmic joke?). I would kind of like to stay in this area, yet I wont be able to afford staying in this area to search for a job without a job to fund the job search (confused yet?). My family is currently near Beaufort, but really what jobs are available in Carteret County? But then there is a possibility that they are moving to the Louisville KY area. So I have a wide range of possibilities to work with, but I need a narrowing down. I need decisions. I need answers.

So basically, that is what is making my life so complicated right now. I want to be a kid and have no responsibilities, but reality is rearing its ugly head and I am thinking that growing up is in my very near future.