I find myself procrastinating a lot lately, and I haven't been able to pin down WHY I am such a horrible procrastinator until this morning. I think that I have been putting things off (more so than usual) lately because I am in the mentality that if I push it off, things wont happen. Now I know that this sounds like a "Duh Hilary, if you don't do something, of course it wont happen!" but I mean in the sense that if I put off figuring my life out, then maybe I will have time to be a kid for just a little bit longer. Growing up is a scary thing to do. I cant believe that in less than 2 months, I will no longer have school to fall back on. Every spring in my life until now, I have always known that after summer is over, it is back to the land of school. My life has been planned and relatively predictable. My life is wide open now. I am supposed to be looking for a job, but the whole job search thing is NOT easy. Let's begin with the current economic state of our country (strike one): EVERYONE is looking for a job. The economy sucks and because the economy sucks, I am going to suffer. Strike two: I have no idea what kind of job I want! Its hard to search for a job if you don't even know the KIND of job that you want! Strike three: location, location, location. I have no idea where I should be looking (coupled with the idea that I don't know what I am looking for, come on! Is this some sort of cruel cosmic joke?). I would kind of like to stay in this area, yet I wont be able to afford staying in this area to search for a job without a job to fund the job search (confused yet?). My family is currently near Beaufort, but really what jobs are available in Carteret County? But then there is a possibility that they are moving to the Louisville KY area. So I have a wide range of possibilities to work with, but I need a narrowing down. I need decisions. I need answers.
So basically, that is what is making my life so complicated right now. I want to be a kid and have no responsibilities, but reality is rearing its ugly head and I am thinking that growing up is in my very near future.